June

 

Told you I’d send you that tune

Told you I’d catch up with you in June

Sun, surf rising above me

Clouds, dirt, blood on my body

 

Your hair cascading over your shoulders

You feel the sensation and then it’s over

Your lips are loose and full of ego

And still I come here just to see you

And still I come here just to see you

 

How did it feel when I stopped trying to find you?

How can you love when you live like I do?

How can you love?

 

You know where I’ll be, you can find me if you need

Tearing up dandelions and they’re screaming,

“Who you calling a weed?”

Putting a laundry on, dealing with the lawn

Finding something to read

 

I never said that I wanted you most

Still I close my eyes and I see a ghost

In the New Jersey trains’

Scratched up, cloudy windowpanes

 

In every morning of fear and failure

Of holding on, losing out, feeling frailer

Of spooling out the digital yarn

When I just want to hold you in my human arms

Just want to hold you in my human arms

 

I don’t know if it’s you or just the shape of your name on my page

That gets me every time

I don’t know if it’s you or just the shape of your name on my page

That gets me every time

That gets me every time

 

 

Storm Clouds

 

It was not what it seemed

Not a tough guy shoot the shit Jack Nicholson dream

Or a hazy cocktail scene

The character wasn’t real

Had that ‘80s handsome Kevin Bacon type feel

Tall with sunglassed eyes

A pretty hollow disguise

 

But I succumbed to the allure

And all our visits went by in a blur

Until it felt off-key

And then I covered it in sand

Only fly the flags of things that I understand

And this one was a stretch

Embellishment on a sketch

 

Storm clouds, elation, desire, mania, darkness

Elation, desire, mania, darkness

Elation, desire, mania, darkness

Elation, desire, mania, darkness

 

This is all that I know

Magazine progeny, daughter of radio

Collector of keys

Sometimes my lip curls

For a Harrison Ford circa Working Girl

For a non-existent world

 

Because I waited so long it’s gonna be that much better

It’s gonna be so much better this time around

Because I waited so long it’s gonna be that much better

 

Storm clouds, elation, desire, mania, darkness

Elation, desire, mania, darkness

Elation, desire, mania, darkness

Elation, desire, mania, darkness


  

Balladeer

 

There’s a hesitancy to our thing

We’re a playing card deck missing a king

And it takes something out of me to be close to you

But I won’t rule it out yet unless you want me to

Probably see you on Wednesday anyway

 

In a car with the dashboard lit

I swear to god it’s electric shit

A sudden heat piercing the dark

I reach over, you put it in park

I will take you while I have you

 

And I’m surprised to be here

But I don’t mind at all

I’m a balladeer

I can take the fall

 

There’s an ache inside my head

And it’s you on the timpani knocking ‘em dead

It’s a dazzling thing

Your give-in grin

Leftover pad thai stuck on your chin

I just like getting to know you

 

At what point in the chronology

Do I make room for you, do you get real for me?

Specs of toothpaste on the bathroom mirror

Fixating or running out of here

I don’t need you to be my counsellor

 

And I’m surprised to be here

But I don’t mind at all

I’m a balladeer

I can take the fall

 

And I’m surprised to be here

But I don’t mind at all

I’m a balladeer

I can take the fall

 

 

Andrew

 

Andrew, I feel weird about you now

Don’t laugh at my life

You’re no better than I

I wanna reach right in

Wanna get under your skin

And mess with you

 

I hope that you let your shoulders down

Forget that ex girl you sometimes see around

Want you to lift that pout

Want you to chill the hell out

And get unwound

 

You’re in a fog of ambition

You’re going to wear yourself thin

Told me you woke up crying

With crawling skin

You’re a man of rigour and discipline

And still you woke up crying

 

You look good but there’s something in your throat

You do your hair right

You got the pretty girl’s vote

I want you to roll out of bed

I wanna muss up your head

And rumple your coat

 

Andrew, when we locked eyes at the bar

I knew in my head it wasn’t going far

Still you make me sad like an undergrad

With a guitar

 

You’re in a fog of ambition

You’re going to wear yourself thin

Told me you woke up crying

With crawling skin

You’re a man of rigour and discipline

And still you woke up crying

 

You’re waving these flags and they look pretty drab

I’ve exhausted all my charm short of being bad

I’m standing in the doorway now

I’m going to catch a cab

I guess I’ll see you sometime

 

  

Silver Civic

 

Today I thought of you

It doesn’t happen often

I was walking in the rain

The light hit, the leaves softened

Under my feet

 

Road unpaved and true

Been six years since I even talked to you

There was no cooling down

You just wrapped my hand in yours, put your head down

Said you were sorry, I

 

Started to question what was real

Held tight to the lapel of your coat just to have something to feel

You said that you’d be going

Couldn’t believe you were telling the truth

There was no way of knowing

 

I used to find you just by chance

At the back of a concert bar you had me in a trance

And I read our letters now

How could you have felt those things, packed up

And driven out of town

 

When every silver civic was your car

And I was gonna be a star

And you were gonna be mine

When every silver civic was your car

And I was gonna be a star

And you were gonna be mine

 

Now I’m in rumpled cotton slouching

Got my kingdom, got my couch

Autopilot is my pilot

I roll in and I whirl out

 

But I eat up this experience

Careen down highways of doubt

I’m just teetering in adulthood

Like a flower in a drought

 

When every silver civic was your car

And I was gonna be a star

And you were gonna be mine

When every silver civic was your car

And I was gonna be a star

And you were gonna be mine

Every silver civic was your car

Every silver civic was your car

Every silver civic was your car

 

 

Wheels

 

Everybody’s talking Whitney, where’s Wheels?

You think you know how it feels to fade

Like a flag on a highway, like a flag

 

No one knew when he was gone

never talked to anyone

Left an empty flask, no one asked

 

Sister called the motel to see what he said last

Five years gone by, no time passed

 

We raised him up, we let him fall

Never really cared at all

What was behind his eyes – greyer skies

 

Early evenings in the spring

And the smell the lilies bring

Wheels in the driveway

And away

 

All I really wanted was you

All I really wanted was you

All I really wanted was you

All I really wanted was you

 

 

  

Up the Hill

 

There is no medal, no medal

There is no medal, no medal

When you make it to the peak

Morning after, feeling weak

 

Just sit back and appreciate it

Oh just sit back and appreciate it

Sun highlighting the highs

Making me forget the bags under my eyes

(Under my eyes)

 

Overlooking

 

Oh I can’t make it back up the hill

I can’t make it back up the hill

I’m gonna have to stay here

In Sad Valley

I can’t make it up the hill

You’re gonna have to drag me

(kicking and screaming)

 

Just sit back and appreciate it

Oh just sit back and appreciate it

Sun highlighting the highs

Making me forget the bags under my eyes

(Under my eyes)

 

Overlooking

 

Oh I can’t make it back up the hill

I can’t make it back up the hill

I’m gonna have to stay here

In Sad Valley

I can’t make it up the hill

You’re gonna have to drag me

 

(I lay down and beside my head there was a dead fly)

  

 

Peonies

 

Fell asleep in the backyard

While the peonies were blooming hard

And in my half slumber

They were blooming for you

Like they bloomed for me

 

It’s Father’s Day at the car show

Dad and Jose checking out MGs

They have ice cream cones

That are dripping

On their jeans

 

I’ve been living off of sardines

And remembering how you go through cans of beans

You are a frugal guy

And you like to eat

Kind of like me

 

I would go, I would go get you

But I – I don’t know if I really want to

I don’t mind hanging when you’re in town

It’s not like it turns my world upside down

But you know that it’s getting to be fall

And I don’t know who else to call

I don’t know who else to call

I don’t know who else to call

 

 

Release

 

So late it’s never

But I have to say I’m better

These few years have done me fine

Calmly colouring my mind

 

You called me up to say

That you found release in your own way

It was the night before your wedding day

I was in Montreal

And I appreciated that you called


 

But when I go back to New York

You’re still everywhere

Standing on Lincoln in the rain

Running your fingers through my hair

Don’t know how not to need you

When you are everywhere

There

There

 

Never linked yours and my vision

We were airport indecision

Or the slow, silent stream

That slips away in a dream

 

You had every right to be mad

When I called you stoned to call it off

Back when things were all fucked up

It’s like I wasn’t even there

 

But when I go back to New York

You’re still everywhere

Standing on Lincoln in the rain

Running your fingers through my hair

Don’t know how not to need you

When you are everywhere

There

There